Chapter Five: my princess of the whales

Crackhead in Confusion

Chapter Five: my princess of the whales

Sunday, October 26

"Tune in tomorrow night to see Beverly Bellerive’s exclusive interview with America’s royal, Princess Mia!" I nearly choked on my pancakes when I heard that an hour ago. There have been commercials every five minutes, advertising an interview with Mia. When was this interview? Why didn’t Mia tell anyone anything?

And I know for a fact that Lilly wasn’t aware of this interview, because she spit out her Froot Loops (though my pancakes were heavily guarded…Thank God) and ran over to phone, to call Mia, I assumed. Then, she left the room so I couldn’t even hear the conversation.

I did hear Lilly screaming: "NO BIG DEAL?? You were interviewed by Beverly Bellerieve and it was NO BIG DEAL?? Don’t you realize that BEVERLY BELLERIEVE IS ONE OF AMERICA’S MOST POPULAR AND HARD-HITTING JOURNALISTS, and that she is my all-time ROLE MODEL and HERO??" Well, of course I knew that. All Lilly ever does besides bitch about school, yell at me, and film her show is OBSESS OVER BEVERLY FREAKING BELLERIEVE!

I personally don’t find Beverly that good at what she does. But I wouldn’t dream of telling Lilly because then she would kick me or something. And, trustme, you never want to be on the receiving end of one of her kicks, especially if it’s toward the nether region.

Then, when she came back into the kitchen, looking satisfied, she had the nerve to criticize the music that was blasting from my headphones. "Oh, my God. Who is that guy? His voice is so whiny. Turn it off!"

"Well, at least I don’t listen to the Backstreet Boys," I said scathingly, fully smirking. Lilly turned red and stomped off.

Well, at least the remark had done its job.

And, as my friend Trevor once said:

"Dude, Conor Oberst totally owns. He’s the mack pimp daddy of indie. But, those boy band dudes are damn hot. Man. That Justin Timberlake has one nice ass. I’d like to smack that booty. Hot damn."

Okay, he was being sarcastic.

I think.

Sunday, October 26, later

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

I just went to Number One Noodle Son with Paul and Suzanne. Was it just me or did I detect some flirty vibes between those two? They sat next to each other when we finally found a booth and when I dropped one of my chopsticks, I went to pick it up and I noticed that their feet were sort of…playing with each other.

Well, I guess that it’s okay if my two good friends want to go out. But if they end up breaking up, things will really, really suck. But, I’m not saying that they’ll break up, but really, it’s sort of inevitable. Especially since they’re still young and all. Actually, they have a lot in common. I’m almost surprised that they didn’t get together before now.

Or maybe they did and they’ve been keeping it a secret from me this whole time.

But why would they keep their relationship a secret from me?

I mean, come on! I’m Michael. MichaelMoscovitz…computer geek. Like I would have anyone to tell.

So, we were all discussing how Thom Yorke’s voice seems to change on every Radiohead album and that somehow turned into a heated discussion about Conor Oberst and how Paul would turn gay for him (insert weird look here). Then, we were all sharing a big bowl of wonton soup when I see Mia enter the restaurant. I nearly choked on my roast pork as I watched her go up to the counter and pay for whatever she had ordered. Unfortunately, she didn’t see me and made a prompt departure.

Suzanne seemed to notice this and snickered as she whispered something into Paul’s ear.

I can only imagine she said something like: "Oh…My…God. Did you see that? Did you see that? Michael totally just choked on his roast pork. Well, that’s not the thing I’m pointing out. But, anyway, he noticed Lilly’s friend, Mia. Yes, the princess. No, she’s cool. Yeah. Yeah. I know! He totally likes her!"

Isn’t it obvious?

Monday, October 27, Health and P.E.

The whole school is literally buzzing about Mia’s interview with Beverly Bellerieve, which airs tonight. I really want to see it myself. But something weird happened on my way to Calculus class. Well, not weird, so to speak, but something involving Lana Weinberger.

After G & T, Mia, Lilly, and I were walking down the hall together since we were all going to classes that are across the hall from each other, when Lana Weinberger walked up to MIA AND ME, held up two of her fingers, and waggled them at us (Mia and me). She said, in her snobby voice, "Are you two going out?"

And I just knew that my face turned as red as a tomato. I was so flustered and surprised and just so…red. But I noticed that Mia had turned bright crimson, as well. Then my heart dropped, because she must’ve been embarrassed at the mere thought of going out with me. Then, Lilly totally snort laughed and said, "As if!" Then Lana and her "friends" started cackling. It was honestly so, so mortifying.

But I like the idea of us going out. Ha ha.

"Dude, you’re supposed to be writing about herpes, not babbling in your diary!" Felix hissed over at me, though playfully. I said, just as cattily, "Well, dude, first of all: It’s a journal, not a diary. And secondly, why the hell would I want to write about a STD?"

"Whatever, man," Felix said, returning to his essay about the joys of herpes. Fun times.

The Icelandic Whales

By Michael Moscovitz

Your euphonious voice

Fills my mind

With thoughts of utter ecstasy

Is it my fault?

Or are you the fool?

Can’t you see?

The whales call for you

They never look for me

There you go

Unrequited love is better than no love at all

The wind weeps softly

And maybe we’ll hear it

Someday

Your heart can’t fade away

Don’t let it fade away

My vegetarian princess of the whales

You search for what I never knew

You’re beautiful in every aspect

Every way

Maybe you’ll never see

All I ever wanted was to be